bml24

anger...

2008-08-22T19:51:31Z

Anger is just a cowardly extension of sadness. It`s a lot easier to be angry at someone then it is to tell them you`re hurt...

bml24 @ 2008-08-06T00:14:00

2008-08-06T04:16:52Z

since that day you said that comment... not a day has gone by where i haven't thought of it...
at the time to you it didn't sound like anything crazy...but it hasn't escaped my mind...
i know nothing will come of it...but its scary....
i wish i didn't find out now...

the perks of being a wallflower...

2008-06-16T23:02:59Z

so i was at work reading a book... and omg this one line stuck out! i even highlighted it... its basically a friggin summary of my life at the moment...

"and i want you to know that i am both happy and sad and i'm still trying to figure out how that could be..."

- the perks of being a wallflower by stephen chbosky

it's okay...

2008-06-15T16:56:18Z

It's okay to lose your pride
for someone you love...
It's not okay to lose someone
you love for your pride

think about that, please....

sometimes...

2008-06-10T04:37:59Z

sometimes its best to
forget how you feel
and remember what you
deserve...

think...

2008-06-05T18:52:47Z

I ~~don't~~ know what i should think of you....

failure

2008-05-31T03:29:13Z

...thats what i am....

Im a failure as a student.... this year was one of the toughest yet and still i managed to fuck it up-
i have to tell my mom that i dont want to continue with my program and that i failed a class. I already went to college and graduated... so its not like im leaving school undone.... but im leaving what i wanted so bad... im failing myself

im a failure as a friend.... my friends of so many years have gone into ghost mode.... and the reason... because im not there for them whevever they want me... fuck them... if after 8 years you think im no longer ur friend just cause of not being there for 2 weeks then whatever... but i cant tell them that to thier face...so thats where i fail

im a failure as a best friend...i am so thankful that you have entered my life... i honestly dont know where i would be without you..i love you like you are my brother. i have never been so close to anyone before like i have to you...You have been there for me for times where i had no one else to talk to about things that i didnt dare share to anyone. You give me advice that I know will help me for the better..but what do i do... i dont follow it.... i dont know why... i know you care and mean well ...but fuck i always screw up... and i know i promised you that i would move in with you when you got here- and i didnt... im sorry... i hope that this year/ early next year i can make that promise come true... i dont want to fail you anymore... you mean the world to me and i dont want to hurt you with my stupidity.

im a failure as a son... when you came to my door that day and asked me that question.... 21 years of holding it in was released.... it felt so good to finally be me... but when you said... " just dont tell dad" i had to be half of me... its almost been a year and still... its a secret... i dont know what to do.... i see your face when grandma makes those comments "when am i going to your wedding".... im sorry... i am who i am.... i know you accept me- but really, just show it...let it be okay when i go downtown and stop asking stupid questions. im sorry that you wont have a daughter in law....

im a failure at work... its been 1 year there, and still i make stupid mistakes... i know you say " its okay dont worry... it happens" but i can tell you are really saying " honestly dont fuck up anymore" i do my best and at times it gets to a point where i dont know what to do... im sorry

im a failure as me.... there were so many things that i wanted to do and that i promised i would do... have i done them....nope...
I hold things in and dont let anyone know... so many problems, so many things, so many tears... all held in... i have people who i can share them with.., but sometimes i hold it in so i dont "bother" them with my issues. I always let others come to me and tell me how they are feeling... i take in all thier info and concerns... but when its my turn... i just dont.... i should and i dont.... failure....

i just feel that ive failed certain people and that there are things that i want to tell people- but i cant... im scared of the response
so i just continue to let it hurt me everyday.. not knowing what it could be...

im sorry that ive just continued to jumble words and it probably doenst make sense..but it comes to the point where you wonder... what the fuck is wrong? why am i feeling like this? i know i have things... i know im okay.. but why do i constantly feel like im failing the people i care about the most and love the most....

someday...

2008-05-27T01:08:02Z

someday everything will
all make perfect sense.
So for now, laugh at the
confusion, smile through the tears,
and keep reminding yourself that
everything happens for a reason.

realize...

2008-05-23T17:47:54Z

There's a point in life when you
get tired of chasing everyone and
trying to fix everything. But it's
not giving up- it's realizing that
you don't need certain people
and their crap.

don't worry

2008-05-05T01:20:05Z

Life isn't about worrying.
That's a waste of time- and life
isn't about being perfect.
It will never happen.
Life is about finding yourself
and finding people who
accept that person

bml24 @ 2008-04-16T00:22:00

2008-04-16T04:23:55Z

I guess i must go and make him happy, if thats what he so wishes...hehe

(yes im a loser... i already know kthx)

the end...

2008-03-10T23:24:07Z

so it was done.. last night- i wasnt expecting it... but it happened... we are no longer talking and will never talk again.

I told him it hurts to talk to him and that i cant talk to him anymore. HE DIDNT EVEN PUT UP A FIGHT FOR OUR "FRIENDSHIP"
and that is what really is pissing me off.
He has met someone and likes him.... i hope they are happy together. Have fun dealing with him.

Never ever have i cared for someone that much (except for teets of couse <3 ilu bff) in my life.

We talked every single day since sept. EVERY DAY for at least 3 hours.
I supported your music career and went to your shows. not even your bestfriends went.
I went to visit you at work so many times.
Remeber that night in November... you know the one... you called at 2am and i stayed on the phone to help you calm down and i CRIED, because i thought we had something. I was so scared for you that night.
I went to that restaurant with you for your birthday. Spent a shitload on it for nothing.

You told me you loved me. I didnt force you to say that.

those nights at huron.... and then at second cup.

you were gonna ask me out on nov 30? fucking lies. if you loved me- whatever happend that night shouldnt of changed it. You were a coward- you knew i had feelings for you- you should of told me right then and tehre that you didnt have the same for me.

The time and energy i put this whole time getting to know you, where is it now? its gone. You are gone from my life.

I will say though.... the icing on the cake with the convo was “ don’t equate sexual favours with love”

how dare you.

At the end... I simply said “ Goodbye Mr. _____________”

Of course i thought you would say.... no no, don’t leave. What do i see...

GOODBYE... thats it nothing else...

Well mister, fuck you. Honestly. Like you said “maybe i can be your learning experience”

I hope that when i do find someone, they treat me so much more better

...enjoy him and his gay face.... enjoy your trip this summer.... enjoy school.... i hope you see who your real friends now...

Goodbye Mister.

I can finally breathe now and start over

goodbye...

2008-03-09T16:37:12Z

Goodbye my almost lover.
Goodbye my hopeless dream.
I'm trying not to think about you.
Can't you just let me be.
So long my luckless romance.
My back is turned on you.
Shoulda known you'd bring me heartache.
Almost lovers always do

...its that simple... goodbye.. if you somehow happen to see this- just leave me alone please, its for the best. trust me

but why cant i say this to him?

ugh

it hurts...

2008-01-13T22:47:54Z

i don't know
what to say
to you
anymore
and it hurts
and it scares
me that you
don't even
notice.

it hurts to talk to you.
how did it
get to this point?

omgz

2007-11-13T15:11:38Z

so like yeah, its been a while since i have posted...

nothing special has happened...
school is okay- i ~~think~~ hope im passing all my classes

Work is awesome, im now the only guy there, so its sorta cool.... and now im wearing a tie to every shift- cause im so sexy and hott... and it makes me feel important tbh

My <3 life... hmmm... its a little crazy, but whatever (yes tito, i know what you are going to say... but dont..lol) i dont know if it can even be called <3 life or just "good friends" spending time together... MEH whatever

right now im in class and im uber bored, so yeah... bye folks

Can you guess what....

2007-10-22T16:54:21Z

Montreal...

2007-07-26T11:09:14Z

Folks.... i am off to Montreal in 10 minutes.... pam is coming to pick me up and then we are gonna drive there... things are so last minute--- we dont even have a place to stay..ugh... she says that we can find one... i hope so..anywho... hope you guys are good..and ill be back saturday night hopefully-- if we dont decide to stay until sunday...
later bitches!

<3 bradley

try...

2007-07-18T18:10:15Z

Try a little more
a little more
a little more
They slap you like a ~~bitch~~
and you take it like a ~~whore~~

Tito's Arrival

2007-07-15T19:21:39Z

So Tito came from Portugal on Friday the 13^th at 11:30 am... Nancy was gonna pick him up at the airport and i was playing around with the idea of going myself (trying to get my friend to drive me)... anyways, nancy offered me a drive there and i was like "sweet" ..... we planned this early in the week and it was so hard to keep it a secret from Tito cause like we talk everyday about everything:P he ws all like, when i get there ill call you..and in my head im like "bitch when you get there ill be there with you...lol" anywho.... i went to Jane station and Nancy and her bro picked me up and it was a very fun drive up there... we waited at the arrivals for a bit, seeing countless immigrants coming out talking portuguese but still no sign of tito... we assumed he was crying cause of the luggage he would have to carry..lol..... then nancy was like "Omg its my godfather- im gonna go say hi...." so i was left with her brother brian..then i said brian i think your uncle is there..and he left me...... so i was all alone.... then i see this EMO looking kid <3 come out with luggage.... IT WAS TITO...YAY!

He is walking looking for nancy, and then he sees me and he smiles and then i see him mouth "what the fuck are you doing here" ROFL.......so i run there and was like OMG TITO... hahahah... exchange hugs talk and carry his luggage... meh... we all get in the car and our travels begin... Nancy had to drop her bro off at Yorkdale so we went and dropped him there. On the way back- the plan was Nancy drops me off at Jane- i go home for a few hours and then come back later.... but Tiago called me and was like where are you... he wanted to see teets and me so we went to dufferin station and met up with him… Tito had to go home with nancy for a bit, so me and tiago chilled…

We went to Dufferin Mall, he showed me around since I haven’t been to that mall in ages… its changed a lot. We had hours to kill so we went into a lot of stores…. I met some of his friends that he worked with and such… then he was telling me bout his Canadian Tire days…LOL is all I will say…. He decided to go there, I was like sure, is it close…. Boy was it ever- 45ish minutes later of walking, were there HAHAHHA… it was cool… then we went into Staples and stupid Tia walks into a Crayola display, tippin over a giant crayon… so he puts it back and some old lady looks to him and figures he works there and she asked him where the staplers were located… LOL he responds not with “ oh sorry I don’t work here” but with a “ its down a couple of aisles” ROFL… he then comes to me with “ we have to leave” so we were done there and then decided to call teets to see what was up…. They ended up picking us up at the McDonalds we were at….

We were on our way for a new adventure—Laser Quest…hahah, at first I thought it was gonna be shit, but it turned out amazing… Luckily for us a bunch of 9 year olds were having a birthday party there and we got to be in that group… so imagine like 12 boys at age 9 and then 4 adults..LOL… oh the jokes…. I knew one of the boys.. I use to be a supply teacher in his class like 2 years ago….anywho… so the game begins…. SO MUCH FUN..lol…. I think tiago came in 3^rd or something… I was 10^th place I believe…. Yay!

After Laser Quest, we went for dinner at Swiss Chalet…. I think this was the bset part of the day- cause we were all together, just chilling and talking. We all ate and had a great time, good laughs and such…. We followed that with some more chilling outside…. And then I had to go…

/end of night

That day was amazing, and im looking forward to many more days like that….. im so happy that teets is here <3

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIAGO

2007-07-15T04:05:19Z

today is one of my bff's birthdays... HAPPY BIRTHDAY TIAGO! hope you have a great day man!
thanks for being an amazing friend

Irvine...

2007-06-11T16:43:23Z

So tito sent me this song.... and at first i was like.. Kelly Clarkson cant be emo..cause he said that her new album is darkish and sad.. so i got it and LOL..he was right..but this song in particular got to me... its sad and really WOW... i was like.. WTF this is Kelly Clarkson...

here is a link to the song http://youtube.com/watch?v=MtUnxCFeDkI and the lyrics are posted below....

IRVINE

Are you there?
Are you watching me?
As I lie here on this floor
They say you feel what I do
They say you're here every moment
Will you stay?
Stay 'till the darkness leaves
Stay here with me
I know you're busy, I know I'm just one
But you might be the only one who sees me
The only one to save me

Why is it so hard?
Why can't you just take me?
I don't have much to go
Before I fade completely

Can you feel how cold I am?
Do you cry as I do?
Are you lonely up there all by yourself?
Like I have felt all my life
The only one to save mine

How are you so strong?
What's it like to feel so free?
Your heart is really something
Your love, a complete mystery to me

Are you there watching me?
As I lie here on this floor
Do you cry, do you cry with me?
Cry with me tonight

Are you there?
Are you watching me

AIM

2007-06-04T20:47:44Z

i got AIM... cause i was bored.. i dont know how to use it at all..im lost

but add me if you so wish

bml24yo

other than that things are good... i will have to do a proper update soon. im basically working at the restuarant chilling with friends. I got accepted to York University for Georgraphy! and i applied for a new job and im like 95% sure i got it..just waiting for the call... anywho..thats all for now... a new update soon.

cheap....

2007-04-16T01:02:08Z

folks.... if you want extra carrots with your order of chicken wings... its gonna cost you.... dont get mad at me that there is a charge of 0.98...geez, like how sad do you have to be that your gonna complain about that.... dont be a cheap ass... kthx

i tried...

2007-04-10T01:34:49Z

I tried to be someone else
But nothing seemed to change I know now, this is who I really am inside.
Finally found myself Fighting for a chance. I know ~~now~~, this is who I really am.

ugh...

2007-03-23T21:28:03Z

dont you hate when you realize things, and you are just like UGH- why did i have to think of that...

anywho, things have been good... work is okay..college is fine..almost done... now im just waiting for acceptances from University. life is good, a tad confusing, but good...